Crazy, and Nothing To Do With Love In An Elevator, Sadly
IT’S OFFICIAL: ARAGONES IS NO RACIST
After being caught bang to rights telling Jose Reyes that he was better than “that black $hit” Thierry Henry in 2004, Luis Aragonés was fined £2,000 by the Spanish Football Federation for behaviour “contrary to the good order of sport”. At the time the Spain manager’s defence was that he was merely trying “to motivate the Gypsy by telling him he was better than the black”. Short of asking to co-host the Craggy Island Celebration of Cultures with Father Ted, it’s difficult to know what else the misunderstood Spaniard could have done to beat the rap.
But today Aragonés won his appeal, as the Spanish justice system chose to prove that it’s not only as slow as its British equivalent, but equally prone to miscarriages of justice. Flying in the face of all available evidence, they declared that the Spain manager is no racist and his employers were wrong to instigate proceedings that resulted in Bicester Village London Prada him being fined. “The court found that the Spanish Committee for Sporting Discipline had incorrectly evaluated the evidence. We now hope that all measures will be taken to clear the good name of the national coach and the [Spanish FA’s] disciplinary committees,” read a statement. “We appreciate that the only way this can be done is by destroying the videotape of the national coach calling Thierry Henry a black $hit, so that’s what should be done,” it should have continued but didn’t. Meanwhile in Manchester ahead of tonight’s win over Second-Choice Steve’s England Allstars, Aragonés himself was in chipper form. “My lawyer told me this morning. I went to court because it was a stain on my reputation and because the offence did not exist as some judges thought,” he said, basking in the glow of a reputation that’s been returned to its pristine and presumably white hue. Oh, how Ron Atkinson must wish that he’d stayed in Marbella …
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I have just got to wait and see what opportunities become available, if any, for the challenge that I want” – if Bryan Robson fancies a real challenge, crates of Stella are on 2-for-1 at Threshers this week.
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Though he’ll be neither blindfolded nor tied to a post, 25-year-old Federico Valentini will tonight face a firing squad. His crime? To have been born with marginally more goalkeeping talent than any of San Marino’s other 26 inhabitants. In terms of haplessness, his is a vocation that ranks somewhere below being Jade Goody’s PR toadie and John Prescott’s toilet seat. The good news for Valentini, however, is that fellow Euro 2008 Group D whipping boys the Republic of Ireland will be spearheaded by Robbie Keane, a shi … sorry, hitman who can’t even score against occasional MU Rowdies stand-in John O’Bese.
The task of trying to play alongside Keane as he wanders all over the pitch, collects the ball, beats two men, then loses it and lambasts the referee, falls to Shane Long – a promising 20-year-old striker Reading signed along with Kevin Doyle in 2005 even though he wasn’t even getting a game for Cork homesite City. Long’s lot is easy compared with the role assigned to Kevin Kilbane, who, following the return to the Irish line-up of a certain Levante-based left-back, will yet again Black Prada Bag With Gold Hardware have to serve as Ian Harte’s keks, covering the defender’s ar$e as his lack of pace, positional sense and concentration is laid bare. “The key to beating San Marino will be a high tempo,” hollered Harte, as Richard Dunne extolled the virtues of a calorie-free diet and Stan “Steve” Staunton began calling for oratory to be made an Olympic sport.
While Stan doesn’t have a clue, Damien Duff has a hunch, one that gives him a wonky gait as he lurches down the wing and loses the ball like a man who once had plenty of talent but lost his hunger, confidence and way. It’s hard to imagine anything happening tonight that could return Duff to what he used to be or make Ireland’s qualification Best Prada Outlet In Florence bid any more credible. But bettering Germany’s 13-0 dismemberment of San Marino would do no harm. But, at odds of 79-1, 0-0 looks a better bet.
THE RUMOUR MILL
Ronaldinho will be showered with gold, jewels and a £7m-a-year contract when AC Milan come knocking at his door.
Atletico Madrid are keen Best Prada Outlet In Milan on signing Mikel Arteta from little-known Merseyside outfit Everton.
‘Arry Redknapp will deal for all he’s worth to capture Ghanaian midfielder Sulley Muntari from Udinese.
And, according to popular gossip website Popb1tch, Frank Lampard refused to eat at the same table as Joey Barton this morning. As Lampard lumbered off Barton is said to have shouted: “Don’t worry, I wasn’t going to nick your breakfast you fat pr1ck.”
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STILL WANT MORE?
Paul Doyle enjoys the beauty, fun and mayhem of one of the world’s great derbies, Ghana v Nigeria.
Has football ever been declared illegal in the UK? Find out in The Knowledge.
The Liverpool Steelers should spend their megabucks on a world-class diver if they want to compete with Chelsea and the MU Rowdies, argues Simon Hattenstone.
David Conn explains why Liverpool’s exhaustive search for a suitor had more to do with protecting the club’s history than making a quick buck.
And Scott Anthony reckons non-league football isn’t as good as it once was. Here’s why.
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NEWS IN BRIEF
Terry Butcher will pack up his sunscreen, inflatable croc and collection of flamin’ galahs and head home after being sacked as manager of Sydney FC. Gianfranco Zola and former Melbourne Biggest Prada Outlet In Italy Knights coach Branko Culina are among the favourites to succeed him.
Cardiff City have sent out an APB for midfielder Jeff Whitley, who seems to have gone awol. “We’ve called Jeff Whitley’s mobile and left messages but he hasn’t called back and we don’t know where he is,” whined City chairman Peter Ridsdale. “We want to speak to him urgently.”
AFC Wimbledon’s rise looked a little less phoenix-like today after they were docked 18 points by Are All Prada Handbags Leather the Ryman League for fielding an ineligible player.
Having seen his success at carrying Southampton for 16 years, FlyBe have named one of their budget aircraft after Matt Le Tissier.
Afghanistan’s attempt to qualify for the Olympic Games Authentic Prada Americas Cup Sneakers came to an early end when they failed to show up for their qualifier with Vietnam. “The match commissioner told me the Afghanistan team couldn’t fly because of bad weather,” said Vietnam coach Alfred Riedl.
And it was a similar story for Zimbabwe, who have cancelled tonight’s friendly in Lesotho after failing to raise the $33,840 necessary for the trip.
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“May I be the 865th person to mention to Martin Perks (Fiver Letters passim) that one big reason why the Republic of Ireland’s plane couldn’t land in San Marino is that they don’t have an airport”- Mark Cowen.
“Second-Choice Steve says that ‘nobody has got the experience that Paul Robinson has got’. However, David James has won 34 caps, while Robinson has 32. It seems Second-Choice doesn’t have the stones to go back on his decisions” – Thomas Hebert.
“While I am no doubt the 483rd person to do so, could I mention that Bishop’s Square does exist in London Authentic Prada Fairy Bag For Sale and is the monstrosity at Spitalfields that was deemed more important to the fabric of the City than the only half decent five a side pitches in the area. Specifically, One Bishop’s Square is the offices of Allen & Overy LLP, who are advising the ‘US based sports entrepreneurs’.
“Re: Cristiano Ronaldo receiving six points on his licence for a speeding ticket from 2005 (yesterday’s Fiver). So it takes over a year to process a speeding ticket. Has the FA taken over the enforcement of speeding laws?” – Timothy Dees.
Today’s letter of the day winner, who sadly wins nothing: Timothy Dees.
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RIVERFORD, NOT ABEL AND COLE