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Motivation; and Aggravation

OBLIGATORY ENGLAND V WALES FIVER

Like Haley’s Comet and Guns ‘n’ Roses albums, sentences containing the words “Sven-Goran Houllier” and “attacking intent” only tend to come round once every 76 years. (Unless used in reference to weather girls and secretaries, of course). But lo! In today’s England press conference, Sven admitted that he really was thinking about switching tactics from 8-0-2 to 4-3-3, with Jermain Defoe, the fit-again Michael Owen and Wayne Rooney spearheading a triple-combo attack!

“We have been practising different solutions, average cost canada goose jacket that’s one of them but we tried other things so we’ll decide tomorrow,” Sven (average salary £4m, meaningful trophies won: zero) sighed. “Rooney looks very good and in great shape and it’s amazing to see him.” (Not that amazing surely? – Fiver ed.) But Sven wasn’t finished there, adding sagely: “On paper we might be favourites but that’s only on paper. If we don’t show discipline and win tackles, we won’t win football games. That’s motivation.”

Er, yes. Meanwhile in his meet-and-greet Mark Hughes wasn’t so much looking ahead to tomorrow as playing cheerleader to Mark Hughes. “When I took over in 1999 I would not have backed Wales to do anything against England, we were not in a situation to compete against the best team in the world,” he pom-pommed, as puzzled hacks wondered what Brazil had to do with it. “We have come a long way.” True. But enough to get something against England at home tomorrow? Well, if Macedonia, Austria and Greece were able to, why not?

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QUOTE OF THE DAY

“Our primary responsibility is to our players’ health and safety” – New York State West Youth Soccer Association executive director Omer Doron on their decision to make all soccer players under 14 wear headguards to make heading more comfortable and protect their ears. And they wonder why they’re rubbish at the game.

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RACE RELATIONS WITH BIG RON

Skegness, 1984; a youthful Fiver is sat shivering in Speedos at the bottom of a large hole, slowly but surely being filled by the sea. As excellent value as that 69p plastic spade was, 15ft later, we’re wishing we’d opted for the inflatable crocodile. Especially when Granny Fiver appears clutching an empty bottle of sherry and offering best canada goose jacket one of her stockings as our means of rescue. So, still haunted by that gossamer lifeline, we buy canada goose jacket online cheap felt for Spanish coach Luis Aragones today when Big Ron Atkinson peered over the rim of the cavern he’d dug himself, and offered a hand up.

Aragones is, of course, at the centre of something of a race storm, having branded Thierry Henry a “black s***” in a badly-advised attempt to motivate Arsenal team-mate Jose Antonio Reyes. Since then he has been digging with the enthusiasm of a dog in a graveyard: “I never intended to offend anyone [shovel]. I use colloquial language to motivate my players [heave]. I have black friends [pitch].” And, in fairness, Aragones was the first to step in when someone called Samuel Eto’o “a black s***” at an airport in Mallorca a couple of years back.

But that hasn’t stopped Robert Pires blooding the hounds. “He should be cornered on this,” he cried, beating a steady rhythm on his snare. “He should be sued for racial aggression.” As usual, Big Ron buy canada goose jacket online canada isn’t listening, and has offered his Recovery Procedure No324: Racial Incidents. “I would advise Luis to write Henry a letter apologising and making it clear that he did not want to offend him,” he said. “He should make it clear that it was a joke.” Perhaps not bu sees a spike in canada goose jacket thefts one quite as hilarious as taking advice from a man who hasn’t worked in football since branding Marcel Desailly a “f****** lazy thick n*****” six months ago though, eh?

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THE RUMOUR MILL

Another season, another whinging masterclass from Laurent Robert. He’s not happy at Newcastle, he says, since Graeme Souness pitched up and started picking best mens canada goose parka the best team each week.

Arsene Wenger has buy canada goose jacket in canada revealed that he’s after a defender to join Airline FC in January.

And Ryan Giggs has been assured of a job buy a canada goose jacket for life at Old Trafford. Apparently he’s a dab hand with a bottle of Cif.

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NEWS IN BRIEF

The FA has confirmed it will soon begin testing for the banned drug EPO after Arsene Wenger claimed foreign players had arrived at Highbury buy canada goose coat online displaying “abnormally high” red blood cell counts – not to mention x-ray vision and the ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound.

Manchester United have issued a terse response to the protesters who disrupted last night’s reserve team match in Altrincham as part of their efforts to block a takeover by American billionaire Malcolm Glazer. “Encroaching on the field of play is against the law. The club does not condone what happened last night,” a statement read.

On the same day as Real Madrid’s doctor Alfonso del Corral claimed he warned the club they were taking a risk by signing Jonathan Woodgate comes the news that the defender is to receive treatment on his long-standing thigh injury at a specialist US clinic which specialises in “new muscle regeneration techniques”. A nice click more hot-rub twice a day then.

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TONIGHT’S TV & RADIO

Channel 4: Brazilian Football (3.25am) “My old boss was from Liverpool,” says James Dyer, who has a Friday afternoon Weird In-Law tale to tell. “On his first date with his wife authorized canada goose outlet years ago he pushed the boat out and took her for a Chinese meal.

Sky Sports 1: Premier League Preview (7pm) “He’s a fat bloke and having devoured a lot of Chinese and got most of it all over his face, he was pleasantly surprised when she invited him to her parents’ house for coffee.”

Live England U21 v Wales U21 (7.30pm) Coffee, eh?

British Eurosport: Top 24 Clubs (9.45pm) “Eagerly accepting, he followed her into the house…

BBC Radio 5: Sport on 5 (7pm) “…and as they walked through the front door her dad shouted out, ‘Don’t come into the living room, I’m s*****g your mother in front of the fire.'”

Talksport: Kick Off (7pm) Classy.

Newstalk 106 (www.newstalk106.ie): Off the ball with Ger Gilroy (7pm) Send your Weird In-Laws to the.boss@theguardian.com, marked Weird In-Laws, otherwise we’ll move on to something else next week.

HOMEWARD BOUND

About Kerala Tourism

Fondly called God’s Own Country, Kerala has been a must do destination for tourists around the globe. Kerala, with its traditions, veritable natural beauty and friendly people, has played host to millions who come here every year. With its scenic backwaters and forests, dazzling art-forms and dreamy cuisines, Kerala is a destination that caters to the fascination of travellers from around the globe.